I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
