I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
