I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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