i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
