She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
