Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
