Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
