he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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