i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
