its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
