the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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