I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
