Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
