I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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