I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize