If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
