i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
