based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
