just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
