So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
