just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
