you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
