ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize