I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
