so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
