david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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