I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
