Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
