You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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