Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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