You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
