why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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