How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
