if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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