I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize