We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
