goodnight i made you a song goodbye
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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