I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
