Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize