He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
