I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
