At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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