Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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