history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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