from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
