weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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