He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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