consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
