No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
