So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
