dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think my vagina is haunted
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
