My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
