he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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