I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
