dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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