I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize