Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize