this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I would ride that face into the sunset
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize