i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
