i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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