Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
