I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
