Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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