Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
