she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
