She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize