Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Randomize
