Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize