He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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