May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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