You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
