And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Someone signed my nipple.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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