my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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