Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
