you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize