Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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