so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
