Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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