She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
