1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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