Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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