u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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