discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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