so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
