it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
