She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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