So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
