i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
