I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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