Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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