We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
