shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
