I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
