oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
