Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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