i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize