I swear god or herbie drove my car home
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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