I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
