under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Drunk is not a location!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize