remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
