He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
