So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
